My friend Heathcliff came to stay one evening. At the time I was very happy. It was wonderful to have some civilized company for a change.
The only problem is that was a few months ago and he is still here! I wouldn’t mind so much if he didn’t act like he owns the place. I frequently fin him in forbidden territory, sleeping on the floor by Joanna’s feet. He gets to join everyone for dinner. If I dare cross over the gate I shoed away.
Heathcliff is constantly jumping over the gate and hiding under Joanna’s desk. She says he is so quiet she does not realize he is there! I am never allowed in her office. Apparently, I am too disruptive! Me! Disruptive! I only demanded her constant attention. Is that too much to ask?
Still there are some advantages to having Heathcliff around. He knows how to play and he is always up for a game- well nearly always. He knows how to open doors too. Herself thought she could shut us in the kitchen at night. Well Heathcliff showed her. He stood up on his hind legs and pushed down on the handle. It only took him a second.
This also works when Joanna shuts us out of the living room. I suppose, when I think about it, it’s quite nice having a brother.
My friends came to play today! It is so nice to have some decent guests for a change who really know how to have a good time.
We played fetch, jumped through hoops and I showed them around my garden. Hopefully they can back soon. I might invite their humans again I am not sure. They were not particully socialble. They just sat in the kitchen with Joanna and Herself drinking Tea and eating cake.
None of them bothered to offer me any cake which I love! Especially chocolate cake. I tried to help myself to a piece, but Joanna snatched it away from me before I could get near.
It is mortifying in the best of times, but she did it right in front of my new friends. I had to apologise for her behavior. She did not even offer them cake!
Well at least she thought to put out some water for us, along with some biscuits and mince meat- a true delicousy. However, the next time I host a lunch party, I am taking charge of catering!
They are packing the car. So far I have watched them pack three suitcases, two laptops and many pairs of shoes!
But wait. What is Joanna doing? She has a bag and she is putting MY toys into it. All of them. She only does that if…I am coming to!
Yes! There goes my food dishes, my spare lead and a huge number of doggie bags. I am not being sent to kennels I am coming with them. I love it when I get to come to.
Now what is she doing. She is collapsing my cage, and folding it up. She has already taken my bed and put it on the back seats. But what about me?
Well I am not being left behind! Good the doors are open. All I have to do is leap in and… yep I am in the car on my bed. There is so way they can go without me!
“Oh Duke! Now where am I going to sit?”
“I don’t know. But I am very happy here. I have three seats to myself. Wait what do you think you are doing.”
“Come on scoot over. And don’t even think about using me as a pillow!”
“I beg your pardon.” The rudeness I have to endure. Who does she think she is! I mean there is a perfectly good foot well she could sit in. If it is good enough for me, then it is certainly good enough for her.
Oh well. At least she has left me with two seats for me to stretch out on. The engine is on, himself and herself have started bickering over the navigation. Time for a nap I think. “Wake me up when we get there.”
Came home yesterday to discover the kitchen floor had been industrially cleaned. So I knew I would have my work cut out.
It has taken me all day, but I have succeeded in getting the floor back in order.
Himself has been a massive help. He never notices when I slip out, the moment he opens the door, giving me the perfect opportunity to dig up the garden and return with sufficient mud for the kitchen. I have discovered I can enhance the effect by jumping in the pond and giving myself a good shake when I entre the kitchen.
The result is amazing. I can cover the walls, the ceiling and of course the floor in one wonderful move.
Joanna is less than impressed. Obviously she has no appreciation for art!
The worst part of the day. Sitting outside the living room door waiting for Joanna to come out. It is rather tiresome. I can smell food in there. My most cherished treat of all, chocolate! But Joanna never lets me near it. I once managed to sneak a piece of chocolate cake from Herself whilst she was distracted. But now they are all on their guard.
Anyway, sometimes I am permitted to join them, in the living room. There is so much to do, and yet Joanna usually just sits with her eyes glued to the TV. How dull. She never appreciates my suggestions such as bouncing onto the sofas- if herself and Joanna are occupying a sofa each I like to run between them. My favorite things include chewing the rugs and finding sticks. The only problem is doing either of these two things, results in Joanna depositing me back in the kitchen. She can be so rude.
I have found that if I lie on my back, across Joanna’s knee with my paws in the air, she will happily rub my tummy. This at least gives me a few minutes in the living room. But even I with my endless patience cannot keep that up all evening. Joanna just does not understand my need for variety, and as soon as I do anything else, I’m out!
Joanna let me through the gate. This never happens. Sometimes I manage to race past her when she is tired and slow. But today she held the gate open for me. I was excited, thinking perhaps we were going on an adventure!
I was wrong. My first clue that something sinister was a foot, was Joanna going upstairs with one of my towels. Her cheery tone and the fact that she had no reaction to be picking up one of shoes was all the confirmation I needed.
Joanna was going to give me a bath! Time to run. With the shoe still in my mouth I sprinted back into the kitchen. Joanna followed. Soon I had her engaged in a game of chase around the kitchen table. I was hopping to tire her out so that she would lose intertest in giving me a bath. I was wrong.
Once she had got her shoe for me and put it back in its rightful place, she picked me up and carried me to the dreaded bath room. Well at least the water was warm for once, and I do enjoy a good roll around with my towel afterwards.
I’m in bed, now where is my treat? Photo by Joanna 25/02/2022
Last evening was different. I was not impressed. Usually Joanna opens the back doors for me so I can have a run in the garden before bed, and once I am in my cage she gives me a treat and says goodnight. Last night however, when I came inside, Himself and Herself were having a lively conversation about some TV program- The Gildered Age?- they are hooked on it. I can’t understand it myself. Joanna was very tired.
I was confused. Didn’t they know it was my bedtime? Usually Herself and Himself are watching something in the living room, or are already upstairs. I think Joanna was as confused as I was. She stood by the cupboards. She knelt down and stroked my ears. I love it when she does that. Admittedly I did have to ask her by nudging her knee. Still it was appreciated. Then suddenly, she stood up and announced that she was going to bed. She couldn’t go to bed. I have to go to bed first.
Then she said “you don’t mind putting the dog to bed for me?” Do they mind! That does not matter. I minded very much, and I made sure to tell her. I waited until after they had all gone to bed and then I started barking, which as I have said before is a true artform. First Herself came down, so I tried again. Himself came down. I was beginning to worry. The third time success Joanna came! I jumped up at the kitchen door and we went through the entire routine without a hic-up! Well except for one. Joanna did not say good night. But my voice was rather tired by then and I decided to overlook it on that occasion.
Joanna took me to Knaresborough today. It is a very nice town. I particularly enjoy the River Nidd.
I dropped my ball in the river. That happens a lot. It is one of my favorite games. I drop my ball in and watch the current take it down river. Then I jump in and grab it.
Only this time, it didn’t quite go the way I had hopped. I managed to jump in- no problem- but the bank was steep and slippery. I could not get a paw hold. At first I thought I would need assistance from Joanna. No chance. She just stood there and watched. Can you believe it? Well, eventually I climbed out. But my ball was still in the river. I ran up and down the bank. I barked, I pleaded. I asked Joanna for help. No it wouldn’t come. So I jumped in again.
For those unfamiliar with the river Nidd, it has very strong currents and whirl pools which pull you under. I am a very strong swimmer and they don’t pose much of a problem. Joanna is terrified of them.
Anyway, I stuck in a whirl pool- this has never happed before- I was able to fight my way out, with no assistance! But all my energy was spent and I could not get up the bank. Joanna was still just watching. She called me further up the river. “Swim over here” She said. “It is less steep” she said. “You can get out easily” she said. “See how flat it is” she said.
It might have been flat but the bank was higher and the river much deeper. There was nothing for me to spring from. Even a great jumper like me needs to gain traction from somewhere. Finally, and rather reluctantly, Joanna decided to help. To begin with though she seemed more interested in a small tree growing at the side of the bank. The way she was holding onto it made me wonder if she had forgotten who was in need of assistance! Once she was comfortable, and had anchored herself to the tree, Joanna finally pulled me out of the freezing river and we went home.
I must have really given Joanna a fright as she wrapped me up in a towel and sat me on the front seat. A real treat. It is heated. Joanna only allows me to sit there when she has had a particularly bad shock. So I must make sure to do it again soon!
I thought we were going home? Why have we stopped here and why am I still inside the car? I don’t like that smell. It is an awful metallic smell. I think I heard Joanna refer to it as petrol or was it diesel?
Joanna is getting out. She has locked the door. But I’m still inside the car. She has left me inside. How could she? She knows how much I loath this place.
Wait! I spoke too soon, she is coming around to my side of the car. I am sure she will open it. Well she has opened a door, but how she expects me to fit through that tiny flap I do not know? That is if there was some way for me to get to it, and there is not.
Now what is she doing? She has connected some kind of hose to whatever is on the other side of that tiny door. Oh, it is making a terrible grumbling sound. Has she forgotten how sensitive my ears are?
Joanna is putting the hose away now. Thank goodness! And she has unlocked the car. Back to her senses at last.
Wait a minute. Why is she walking away? Where is she going? Without me? What have I done to deserve this?
How could she do this to me? How could she forget about me again? I gave her plenty of hints.
Ah here she comes. I can not wait to give her a talking to.
“Hello Milton. Hey, what is all the fussing about. I only went to pay for the fuel.”
The Matriarch of our family is Herself. She is the one who usually plays with me after my morning walk. She is alright I suppose. Not particularly fast on her feet. Her favorite game is “Don’t eat my garden!” She loves it. She always does a fine job at bushing my coat and is great at reminding Joanna of her duties.
Himself is hard to explain. Most of the time he retreats to his shed in the garden. I do enjoy our frequent excursions to and from the shed, especially when he brings food. Sadly he never shares it with me. He has the worst taste in games, if I do say so myself. I spend hours making nice wholes to store my toys and bones, and he comes along and fills them in! All that hard work gone to waste. And then when I have managed to salvage some of my fine work, he fills them up again. He just dose not appreciate my fine gardening skills.
Joanna is the one I spend the most time with. She is the one who feeds me every morning- except for when Himself or Herself do it. She takes me for all my walks and knows the best games. I love playing with Joanna, especially when she chases me around the garden or throws a ball for me. She is very forgetful though, and I frequently have to remind her of her duties. She is prone to disappearing, especially to do this thing she calls work. Last week I had to go and find her. You would not believe where I found her. On the sofa, sitting on the sofa with her laptop. Well I had thing or two to say believe me.
My favorite family member is Rosie. She is always up for a game of chase, the only problem is I am never sure whether she is chasing me or I am supposed to be chasing her. Regardless, I always look forward to her visits. Her parents, John and Pearl are also very charming. John is the best when it comes to playing fetch. He also likes to do something called a race. It is a bit like chase except he runs ahead of me, then cheers when he passes a particular tree. It is a very strange game. This used to be followed by something called “Round two”. The same game except he would be behind me. He didn’t seem to enjoy it as much. Pearl is lovely, except for the fact she prefers cats. I am still working on that one.
Then there is Luke and Cathryn. I do not think much of Cathryn. She never pays me any attention. Not like Luke who is always on for a game of fetch provided I do not eat any of the figs which are often scattered all over their lawn. Most untidy!
Now if you will excuse me, it is time for my nap before Herself kicks me out again.
